


Things I'll Never Say

by suchanoldcliche



Series: OTP: Steal You Away From the Storm [2]
Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe RPF
Genre: Bucky/Xan, Fluff, High School AU, M/M, popular!Bucky, shy!Xander
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-02-25
Updated: 2015-02-25
Packaged: 2018-03-15 02:01:23
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,667
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3433622
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/suchanoldcliche/pseuds/suchanoldcliche
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Bucky's graduating in a couple weeks, and there's something Xander's been wanting to say to him for the last couple of years. But words are so hard for him, especially in circumstances such as this.</p><p>So what does he do when he can't speak? Turns to song, of course!</p>
            </blockquote>





	Things I'll Never Say

**Author's Note:**

> Fluuuuuuuff~
> 
> Based on the song of the same name by Avril Lavigne. :3

He has no idea how long it’s been, but he knows it’s been a long, long time. Years, even. The boy’s only one year older than Xander, but that means he’s graduating this year, and gosh, that’s so great for him but that’s so upsetting to Xander. Because what in the world is he supposed to do when Bucky’s gone?

Probably the same thing he does _now_ , to be honest.

For years, Xander’s sat in class, walked through the halls, waited at the bus stop, and admired the school’s most popular boy from afar. For years, he’s tried to gather up the courage just to say hi, but he always falls short, stammering like crazy whenever Bucky tries to figure out what’s wrong with him. That kid must think Xander’s so creepy sometimes, what with how often he stares at him and how quiet he is all the time, and that just, that really doesn’t help the kid with his confidence. At _all_.

But Bucky’s graduating. In a couple weeks he’s gonna be gone, off living his life somewhere, no doubt making other people fall just as desperately in love with him as Xander has. The thought of him going and not knowing what Xander’s been keeping bottled up inside scares him, but how is he supposed to tell him how he feels? Isn’t Bucky straight, anyway?

One way to find out.

He’s such an idiot, and he knows it, but when the rest of the foster home goes silent, Xander sneaks out with his guitar and heads down the couple of blocks to where he knows Bucky will be. All of the seniors are going to this huge bonfire thing in the park, and of _course_ Bucky will be there.

Of course, so will the other six hundred students who are graduating.

When he makes it, his hands hold onto the strap of his six-string like it’s a lifeline, his heart thundering in his chest as he looks around, trying to spot Bucky in the crowd. He doesn’t, though, he has no _idea_ where Bucky could be, and he can’t exactly ask someone, considering he’s not supposed to be here. So instead, he just walks around aimlessly, hoping to stumble across the boy at some point.

It takes him about twenty minutes, but he finally finds him and a couple of others by the water, and oh gosh, he’s easily the most beautiful thing Xander’s ever seen. The way his hair shines in the moonlight, the smile on his face, the dazzling look in his eye…

Wait, hold on. Oh gosh, he’s---

“What’re you doin’ here, kid? Aren’t you a junior?”

Xander’s mouth goes dry, and suddenly, all the words he’d had prepared vanish into thin air. He swallows hard, his heart pounding against his ribs as he steps closer to him. And then he freezes again, and every single nerve in his body is screaming, telling him to turn around and run.

But he doesn’t. He can’t. He didn’t come this far for nothing.

“Y-Yeah, um…” The boy looks down, toeing his shoe into the sand as he tries to think of what to say. “...I, uh. I-I wanted to… t-to talk to you.”

He’s met with silence, and when he looks up, the two people who had been with Bucky are up and walking away, glancing over their shoulders and laughing. Oh God, this is so bad. He should go. He should just--

“You know what? It’s nothing. I-I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have---”

“No, hey, stop. It’s fine; they’re not laughin’ at you.” When Xander doesn’t say anything, Bucky tilts his head a little. “That a guitar on your back?”

“What?” The boy blinks. “Oh! Oh, yeah, it’s my, uh…” He lifts the strap over his head, readjusts the guitar so it’s in front of him, then puts it on again, one hand holding the neck of the instrument while the other hovers over the strings. “I’ve had it for years. My… My first family gave it to me.”

“First family…?”

“Yeah, I… I’m adopted. But that’s not important,” he adds quickly. Bucky gives him a curious look as he folds his arms over his chest, but he doesn’t say anything. Oh God, okay. Breathe, Xander. _Breathe_. “...I wanted to play something for you. I-If that’s okay.”

The look that spreads across Bucky’s face is not one Xander’s used to seeing. If he didn’t know any better, he’d say it’s almost… fond? “Yeah, sure.”

He doesn’t give himself time to think about it. As soon as he gets the OK, he starts strumming, his eyes torn from Bucky so he can focus on the strings.

“I’m tuggin’ at my hair, I’m pullin’ at my clothes… I’m tryin’ to keep my cool; I know it shows.” His voice is soft, hesitant, like he’s _so damn nervous_ and he cannot believe he’s actually singing this to him. “I’m starin’ at my feet. My cheeks are turnin’ red. I’m searchin’ for the words inside my head…” Oh God, he can’t breathe. Okay. “I’m feelin’ nervous, tryin’ to be so perfect…” He lifts his head to look at Bucky, a nervous smile on his face as he keeps playing. “‘Cause I know you’re worth it, you’re worth it, yeah…”

Realisation dawns on the boy, his eyes widening just slightly, and Xander immediately looks away.

“If I could say what I wanna say, I’d say I wanna blow you away. Be with you every night. Am I squeezin’ you too tight…?” His heart is _racing_ right now, and he’s pretty sure he’s shaking a little bit, but he’s so, so nervous. He just wants this to go well, but he’d bet anything that he’s making a fool of himself. Great. Just great. Bucky’s gonna _hate_ him for this, isn’t he? “If I could say what I wanna see, I wanna see you go down on one knee. Marry me today… Guess I’m wishin’ my life away with these things I’ll never say.

“It don’t do me any good. It’s just a waste of time. What use is it to you what’s on my mind?” He can’t help but think of all the times they’d bump into each other in school, or that Xander would try so hard to pretend he’s okay, that being so close to Bucky didn’t make him hear bells and feel like his whole body’s on fire, but Bucky could always see right through him.

Well. Kind of, anyway. Xander’s confident in saying Bucky had no idea he had feelings for him before now, given that look on his face. (Oh gosh, Xander wants so badly to run away right now. This is so not going well. Not at all.)

“If it ain’t comin’ out, we’re not goin’ anywhere…,” he sings, lifting his head to look at him again. “So why can’t I just tell you that I care…? ‘Cause I’m feelin’ nervous, tryin’ to be so perfect, ‘cause I know you’re worth it. You’re worth it, yeah.~”

He wants to keep going, wants to get through the rest of the song, but his heart is pounding in his ears and he feels like he can’t breathe. So he just… stops. And he immediately takes the guitar off of him and sets it on the table that’s beside him, using that time to take a deep, shaky breath, before looking back to Bucky. He has to say something he has to tell him.

“I like you,” he says, the words rushing out of him so fast he can’t hope to stop them. “I like you _so much_. I have ever since you bumped into me when I was a freshman and you told me you liked my necklace.”

“Oh, right. The winged one, right?”

The boy nods. “Yeah. You just… Gosh, okay. You’re incredible, and I know you hear that all the time, and I know you probably… it probably doesn’t mean much coming from a total dork like me, but really, you are. And I wish I’d had the courage to tell you all of this before I knew you were going off to college, but I just, I’m so bad with people. So bad. And I’ve wanted to tell you I fell in love with you back in that math class we shared last year, when you sat in front of me and your hair was always so perfect and oh my gosh, wait, hold on, I’m babbling now.” And then Bucky’s laughing, which leads Xander to whine and hide his face in his hands. “Can you not do that, please? I-- Oh gosh, I’m so nervous right now.”

“I think it’s adorable,” Bucky says, and that _tone_ of his, geez. Xander is about to grab his guitar and run when he feels hands on his arms, and oh God, why is Bucky so close now? The boy lifts his head just as Bucky smiles down at him, and Xander swears that smile is the most beautiful thing he’s ever seen. “Are ya done?”

Unable to find his words again, Xander nods. “Mhm…”

“Good.” With that, those hands move to Xander’s face, and suddenly he’s leaning down and kissing him.

Bucky tastes vaguely like alcohol and something else, something that makes Xander not want to stop kissing him until he figures it out. But he’s so new to this, and he’s still shaking like crazy because he can’t believe he actually told him he _loves_ him, so he’s nervous. And Bucky seems to know that somehow, because he’s not behaving the way Xander’s seen him with all those girls he’s dated, all… aggressive and… hot. Hot? Is that the word?

… _God_ , yes. Bucky’s so unbelievably attractive, and it’s so not fair. At all.

But he’s being slow and sweet and it’s making Xander feel like he can fly. He isn’t sure how long he stands there like that, but when Bucky finally pulls away, he can’t stop smiling. At all.

And neither can Bucky.


End file.
